So....the day after Christmas we found out we were expecting little miracle number 4. That's right, I am now 10 weeks pregnant. (this is the longest we've ever kept it a secret) I would love to say that I was elated and beyond excited to have another baby...I mean...I love babies, right? And we really didn't think that our family was complete yet anyways, but still...I was shocked...overwhelmed...and feelings of dread came over me about telling anyone. Do I really want to be a stay-at-home-mom of four under the age of 5! I didn't want to hear other peoples opinions about our growing family...or know that they were talking about it behind our backs. Most people just can't fathom the idea of having 4 children. Even though I wasn't all that happy about it myself, I was more concerned that others would talk negatively about our beautiful unborn child. I actually convinced myself that I wasn't really pregnant and my body was playing tricks on me...until my first doctors appointment where I saw our tiny peanut of a miracle on the ultrasound...with a strong heartbeat!
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| These were the best shots we could get of the kids. Believe it or not, that "in motion" picture of Janessa was our best option even though the flash went off! |
Of course...hubby was just excited as usual! (Probably a good thing). The kids are excited too.
Our first two girls (Keira and Libby) are 19 months apart. It was hard. Janessa and this new little love will be 17 months apart. I know that in a few years it will be wonderful to have such close playmates, but still...I felt really guilty that I was feeling anything but joy for this child.
By the way...Tom thinks that if its a girl, her middle name should be Joy...ironic! I can't even fathom it being a boy...we don't make those....and I wouldn't' know what to do! haha
I'm nervous....what if this one has a cleft palate too? What if this baby has kidney reflux like Libby? What if there is something else wrong...worse? Aren't you supposed to worry about these things with your first child...not your fourth?
But...this baby is perfectly the way God made them....God says so.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." -Psalm 139:13
...and my other children are perfectly the way God made them too...issues and all!
I am excited. I will be more excited after we get though Janessa's surgery next week. This child is a joy. It is a miracle. I am honored that the Lord would bless us with a fourth child.
I expect that people will ask: "If it's a boy, will you be done?". The answer is still...it is up to God. We truly feel that God has called our family to allow God to control this area of our lives completely.
I know that people will look at us like crazy people for wanting 4 children...or even more perhaps..but I cannot let that take my joy from me. I cannot worry about the opinions of others. I can only be obedient to what God has called me to. I urge you if you struggle with giving God control of a certain area of your own life to just do it. He makes all things great.
He will never forsake us or leave us. His will is perfect.
Just for fun...did you know that at 10 weeks pregnant my baby is already moving and kicking. It's heart has been beating for 5 weeks now. This miracle has all of its organs and some are already functioning! At this stage in my last pregnancy, Janessa would have already had her cleft palate! During the 5th week the heart forms into 4 chambers, and actually starts beating and pumping blood...this is before most abortions take place.
The more I think about how the creation of life is such a miracle, the more excited I get that God chose me to have another one!
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